Faults and Failures

Some days I just really take a hard look at myself and don't like what I see.

Some of the things wrong can be controlled and are my fault.

Some of the things can't be helped, even though we try hard.

One of my biggest failures is how crappy my house looks. I really try and keep it neat, but there isn't enough time in my day to get everything done. Each day I wake up there are too many "fires" that need to be put out and those come first. It's bad enough that I have to work here and look at this mess day in and day out. I am embarrassed and I don't want anyone to ever come here and see this.

We have so many "projects" that need done around here -- but the business consumes ALL our time. The little bit of time we do have left -- we try and do something fun or we're so tired we just need to stop and take a break. It really is depressing every morning when you wake up and it's back to work again -- it would be nice to get a day off -- even when you're sick. My husband is hardly ever here -- some of these things I can't do myself.

I'm mad about my weight. I used to be this skinny little thing and now I feel embarrassed about how fat I am. We try to eat good, but our schedule doesn't allow for regular eating. It's not good for you to eat dinner at 10pm every night.

Occasionally, I get really mad at myself for these shortcomings and try to do better -- but then the real world sets back in and I can't seem to get all that I need to get done.

We are getting ready to leave in a couple of days to take a couple of days off (well kind of -- a little bit of work mixed in). Hopefully when I come back I'll feel refreshed and ready to tackle this overwhelming pile of stuff that has become my life. Maybe a clear and rested brain will allow me to get things done.

But then......when you walk into the house -- there it all is again and your reality begins all over again.